Oh no........

Oh no! Just read Santa opened fire in an LA party. And killed 3. Kalyug is here! We are doomed!!!!! hmmm.....or naaah! its probably just LA.

I CAN see hope everywhere!!!! It REALLY MUST be Christmas:)

The weather outside is frightful......

I can't make up my mind about the weather today. Its raining, windy - the kind of day that makes you think (much more than) twice about stepping out. But then it also makes the blazing fireplace so much brighter, cozier. Imagine a bright sunny outlook - what price the blazing fire and the stockings above? Yes, yes- today I can see the good in everything. It MUST be Christmas.

Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since no pain no gain,
Let It Rain! Let It Rain! Let It Rain!

Sri and I...

...are working on two songs.

One is a difficult Dhrupad that keeps veering into a naughty Tarana.

The other is a sunny Beatles melody.

No idea no idea
There is none here
Oh my deeeaaaah!

Take....

Out.

You

You pause - mid-stride- beseechingly
I beckon unconvincingly

In response to closing lines from Big B

I closed without ceremony
Despairing pain and agony
They honored my humanity
I’m laughing at the irony

Why children?

Today at 6:47PM, I felt I knew why I have children. At 7 PM I lost it with them big time - but in the space of those few minutes things seemed shining clear.

Children are the means by which every living creature is allowed to feel priviledged. Wanted, worthwhile, productive (pardon the pun). It is as simple as that. Everything else in life seems to be distributed unfairly. Some people are the 'haves' and others are 'have nots'. But when you care for a child and truly dedicate yourself to his/her nurturing (and that is my definition of a parent)- there is a part of you that becomes so selfless, so pure, so unconditional, so accepting. You are a miracle to yourself, for yourself. As you grow older and life's setbacks dim your pride in every decision you took, I think (and hope) these frustrating little creatures offer you self-esteem. It is greatness taken from the hands of the few and distributed freely for everyone to enjoy- like air, sunshine, water. This love is elemental. And will surely be the end of us all one day.

There is always

There is always an alternate life. That you can regret not having. Or that you are so thankful you have not led. Those are so easy to reconcile with. Its just so hard to live with what you DID choose. Sometimes its unbearable joy, which makes one fearful of losing it. Sometimes unbearable pain - need I say what one wants to do then?

Walking with Adi

I took a ten-minute walk with Adi last night
We saw a moon that some astronaut had cut in half
And wondered where he found the scissors
We danced on the road
To the crickets playing live in the thickets
We were stars at the Olympic
Gracefully balancing on the sidewalk edge
And we raced over the wet front lawn
Back into our home's comfort
Shouting out greetings like we left seven years ago.

My friend says....

"religious sentiments can be strong, after one becomes a mom."

WTF!

The Brilliant Night

"Ooof! Its a dark night!"

"Genius. Were you expecting a brilliant one?"

The argument was logical. Point 1 to me.

I marched along the wet, windy street. Thankful for the wilting street lamps.

Soon I would be there. I focused on it. I went right along.


It was in fact not until I had gone a good quarter of a mile that I heard the footfalls. Light, persistent and sure as hell coming towards me.

I picked up my pace.

"Coward."

"Oh yeah? You think I will stop?"

I slowed down. I stopped. Point 2 to myself.

I inched closer to a street lamp and turned.

"Oh Thank God! Thank you for stopping. So sorry to disturb you. But could you tell me how to get to here."

I was staring. Struck dumb.

"Quick! Say something. Say something."

"What? What- should I say?"No answer - this was a draw.

Her hair whipped around in confusion. Her lashes dripped anxiety. Her hands trembled under the weight of the paper.

I took it from her without breaking our gaze. She shivered. I shivered in response. I looked down at the paper. Then pointed silently at the ornate iron gate two houses down on the left.

She peered after my finger.

"That one? Next to that brick house?"

I nodded. Gulped. Then nodded again. It was safest to resort to basic universal gestures.

She smiled and the night turned brilliant.

Thanking me she hurried up to the house.

"Brilliant night eh?"

"Yes brilliant."

Grinning I turned into my red brick house.

K

Today is Adi's first day in K. He could not sleep last night- and woke up early today. How do I know?- I was the same:)
I surprised myself. It was hard leaving him in the daycare. He kept waving me off but I lingered- fussing over the sign-in, his snack pack, his pick-up locations. I worried. Will he make friends? Will he keep up? Will he excel? Stand out?Blend in? - Typical Indian parent? Or typical mom on first day of K??
And Vedant sensed it too. He was all quiet on the way in to his school. And snuggled against me and made me carry him in. He kept asking where is Adi- indeed where is he?

So life changes- my baby is in school. Big deal - say the seasoned parents. Yeah BIG DEAL- say I!!!!!!

Good Night

Night light
Fused hands
A lazy clock
And you