The Large Pickle Jar

The Large Pickle Jar

Gauri gently bowed her head to the rising sun. She finished her pooja (prayers) before the sun’s rays could touch her pet jasmines. It was a routine she seldom broke.

And equally unfailing, next to her, was Sasumaa (mother-in-law) -in her beloved starched cotton saree. She too stood with hands folded, silently mouthing her daily litany.

Gauri knew what Sasuma was seeking. It wasn’t very different from her own entreaties. In fact, everyone in the house was praying to hear the wail of a newborn. Each in his/her own little way had been pleading with Fate for two years now. And their concern always mounted to some new ritual for Gauri. Just last week (widowed) Chachi Maa (Great Aunt) had requested her to stop wearing red. Apparently it absorbed too much heat and could result in miscarriages. Then yesterday Sasujee (father-in-law) had suddenly cautioned her against going near the banyan tree next to the village pond. He feared evil spirits would bestow misfortune on her. It was a harsh rule because most of the local bazaars and fairs were held around that tree. Women often sat out broiling afternoons under that generous canopy and much local gossip was traded in those shaded recesses.

However, Gauri bore it all without rancor. She understood their worry, respected their concern. Her only hope was that in time she would prove worthy of such love. Already, most people in the village had advised Sasumaa to get a second wife for her son.

Gauri could only wonder what bizarre sense of loyalty was stopping this family from abandoning her.

Prayers over, the two women cast somber looks at each other. Today was the big day. Three days ago, after months of gentle nagging, Sasumaa had finally convinced Sasujee that Gauri needed to visit the government family planning center near by. It was an hour away by foot.

Anxious to be punctual, Sasumaa and Gauri had actually managed to arrive half-hour before their appointment. For the next three hours they had sat in timid wonder observing the ‘lady doctor’ order around several male assistants. Finally, their turn had come.

After a thorough physical exam behind a grubby green curtain, the doctor had taken Gauri’s blood and urine samples. She had informed them she would have to send the samples to the city to be properly analyzed. So could Gauri return in three days for her results? How about next Monday at 10 AM?


And today, at last, it was Monday!

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“There is nothing wrong with you Gauri.” The lady doctor was smiling assurance. “You can have as many children as you want!”

The two women cast delighted looks at each other. Thank God!

But the doctor was continuing, so they turned back to her.

“You say you have been trying for two years now. And Gauri is in perfect health. So I am wondering, would you like to bring your husband in for a check-up?”

Gauri felt her breath catch in her throat. Bring in Shankar? Why did Shankar have to be checked? The temerity of this brazen woman! She opened her mouth in hot refute but Sasumaa’s calm voice reigned her in.

“We will think about it.”

Gauri was completely stupefied. In all these days, nay months, of praying and crying and obeying and agonizing, it had never once occurred to her that she was not to blame.

And here was Shankar’s mother, refusing to rise to his defense. Considering the impossible. What was happening……?

Gauri’s mind was in turmoil but she bided her time with characteristic patience.

She finally trained her questioning gaze on Sasumaa only when they settled into their trudge back home.

But Sasumaa refused to meet her eyes. And Gauri could not find the courage to voice her confusion. So they marched on in silence until suddenly, Sasumaa began without preamble.

“You are so innocent. How do I tell you?” She paused.

“These men… they are not perfect, beti (daughter). Your mother knew it. My mother knew it. And yet no one told us. They all wait for us to find out or suffer in ignorance ….” She stopped again. Then continued, choosing her words carefully.


“So I am telling you now, when there is still time. I know Shankar is my son. And I love him. But I also know he is not God- he is not your God Gauri. He can make mistakes too. Sometimes he can be at fault too. The blame is not always yours to bear.”

Gauri was dumbstruck.

Sasumaa continued in gentler tones…..

“I brought you here because I wanted you to know the truth….the villagers, our family, even Sasujee are all after you. But I know the truth. And I wanted you to know it too.”

Seeing Gauri’s face, Sasumaa’s reserve finally exploded.

“Do you still not understand? I have had the same problems with Sasujee. Shankar is not our son. We adopted him.”

Gauri could not have been more stupefied if the ground had split open and swallowed her whole.

“But I should tell you things in detail now. Here, let us stand here under this shade for sometime.”

“We had the same problems, Gauri, when we got married. For three years we tried and tried. I went to every temple I could find. Observed every fast. Followed every ritual. Sasujee’s parents, our families and even the villagers made my life a living hell. Then one day I found out my in-laws were looking for a new bride. I finally became desperate enough to seek help. So I went to visit my friend in the neighboring village. Her husband was a doctor in the government clinic there. I wanted to find the problem and correct it. I wanted to be the perfect bride.”

“The doctor arranged for my tests and came back with the astounding news that I was normal. My head was reeling. And then the doctor suggested that we should check Sasujee. I almost fainted. But my life was at stake and I had to think fast. I knew that Sasujee would never allow a test. So I tricked him into it.”

Here Sasumaa paused delicately. How do you tell your daughter-in-law about tricking your husband into giving you a sperm sample? Thankfully, Gauri vaguely understood something and nodded for her to continue.

“So anyway, I still don’t understand the details, but the results showed that it would be very difficult for Sasujee to ever have kids. My husband was not God. He was as vulnerable as I was. I cried for a whole week in sheer relief. And then came endless nights of helpless rage. I could hardly bear Sasujee’s touch during those days.”

Sasumaa started walking again.

“ I took the results home and hid them under the large pickle jar in the kitchen. I knew now that I was not at fault. But how did that change anything? Years of brainwashing prevented me from saying anything against Sasujee. I could not bring myself to sully his name in public. I had to protect him. That was my duty as his wife. So I bore all the pressure and taunts in silence for almost another full year….. But then Sasujee broke the sacred bond between us. He went and saw a young girl and fixed a date for marriage. They hid the news from me and I chanced upon it only a week beforehand.”

“I remember clearly, I was at the well when some women passed by arguing the matter in loud, heated voices. They stopped when they spotted me, but I had heard enough. I dropped my urn right there and ran all the way back home. I knew the time had come to move that pickle jar.”

Gauri looked over Sasumaa’s portly figure and tried to imagine the scene. It almost brought a smile to her lips. Perhaps Sasumaa understood. She abruptly met Gauri’s amused look with a twinkle of her own.

“Yes, I could run like the wind in those days. So I rushed into my kitchen. And pulled out the test results. I could not read, but I had made the doctor circle the important parts in red.”

“Then I ran again—all the way to the mustard fields where Sasujee was overseeing the field hands. I beckoned to him urgently. He must have thought I got his lunch. The poor man.”

Sasumaa chuckled.

“I did not say anything. He could read and I just thrust the paper in his hand. To make a long story short, the results were a shock to him. I threatened to make it public. He threatened to beat me. I told him he could not touch me. The doctor in the city hospital would alert the police if I did not contact him regularly. It was a lie, but it worked. Now he resorted to pleading. He could not bear the thought of his father hearing of this. His family needed an heir. What was the way out? Finally, we settled on a pact. He would not look for a second bride. I would burn the test results. And we would adopt a child secretly.”

“We returned home together. It felt awkward – it was an unusual break in our routines. And that decision changed our lives forever. We entered the house to find Chachi Maa and Sasujee’s oldest brother ...mmm...together. It’s the most sinful act I have ever witnessed – and yet one that has given me the greatest joy in my life. There is no point in saying anything more about it….but Shankar is really their son. Sasujee’s brother died before Shankar was born- I think he died of shame. We took Chachi to the city under the pretext of a new job for Sasujee and came back once all adoption procedures where final.”

There was a tiny silence. And then Sasumaa concluded.

“So you see….I always suspected the truth about Shankar. It runs in the family. And in case you are wondering, what threat do you think finally convinced your Sasujee to let you come to this clinic?”

Tears were slipping down Gauri’s cheeks. A kind hand was twisting her kaleidoscope of beliefs….and this brilliant new pattern was terrifying yet liberating.

“Sasumaa, so what should I ….?”

“What should you do now? I don’t know my dear. I just wanted you to know the truth. What you make of it is up to you. Truth can give you great power if you decide to act on it. And it will give you great comfort when you feel wronged….But I will tell you one thing though. Sasujee will never allow Shankar to be tested. And Shankar is not about to come with you willingly….”

Sasumaa looked deep into Gauri’s eyes.

“I also want you to know I will never be in favor of a second bride…but if Sasujee makes up his mind, Shankar is bound to do as he asks. I will not be able to stop them. So now do what you must to protect yourself. Gauri, I did what I could. And I hope I did right by you. I am just sorry I waited this long.”

“Sasumaa, one last thing. Did you really burn those results?”

Sasumaa smiled “Of course dear. There is no marriage without trust. Remember that.”

No more could be said. They were home.

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Gauri entered the kitchen slowly. It looked different. Brighter, cleaner, happier. That’s how she felt. She was not to blame!!! She hugged her secret closer. But there was so much more to absorb. So many spicy secrets, so many startling truths.

However, as Sasujee reminded her loudly, lunch was due in an hour’s time. She could not waste time idling. So she busied herself with the task at hand.

Then all at once, she got up and crossed over to the corner shelf. She assessed the stacked contents and her yes lit upon the biggest one at the bottom.

Bending, she lifted the pickle jar and wiped it clean. She looked at it thoughtfully for a long time, then slowly set it down again.

Deep inside her was rising a new-found self-respect…A dawning desire to be given her worth. If Shankar decided to marry again, she would not beg him or trick him into staying.


She would never rely on a tardy little secret hidden under a large pickle jar.